My Father…
// July 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // General Commentary
Hearts break, time moves at an incredible speed… before you know it the most important person in your life goes away, leaving behind unanswered questions. 17 years ago this morning my father died, I was only 16 at the time… 16 years I spent with him, providing nothing but failure & dissapointment. In fact the only thing I thing I achieved was my driver’s license about 5 months before he passed on. He was so proud when I came back in DMV with the instructor… I smiled and winked at him as he nervously looked at me wondering if I had passed. With that nod he smiled back, eyes lit up, as if his son has just become a responsible man.
I’m 33 now, married with two beautiful children (I can only dream how in love he would be with his grandchildren, my son named after him – Jamal), somewhat successful professionally with a loving and beautiful wife, and four younger brothers who I love. My mother… a saint… a woman who lost her one true love at the young age of 36, who has devoted the rest of her life to making sure her five boys grow up to be men their dad can be proud of looking down from heaven.
I wrote a poem while in Palestine, the week after my dad died, right after we buried him next to his father in Beitin Ramallah… It’s called “When It Rains”, a statement he used to always say to me – “Amjad, when it rains it pours habebi”… I have been posting it on this date for the last couple of years, so here it is…. I miss you pops… I pray you smile down upon us & we have finally showcased something for you to be truly proud of:
When It Rains
I am alone with you, they are gone.
One week I have traveled to bring you back home.
Next to your father, forever you will lay.
Let him know now all those words to me you used to say.
But father, where do I go from here?
This new reality is just too much to bare.
I wait for you to wake and smile and tell me it’s all a lie.
That this was all a cruel joke to measure my heart’s survival.
Yet you never wake peaceful in your death.
As they lowered your body, engulfed by the earth’s depth.
I bury my heart with you because after this I am dead.
I have no reason to go on, so much between us left unsaid.
I promise I will never let you down.
That your youngest children will never forget your voice’s sound.
Your memory lives deep within my soul.
Your children’s existence will never allow the world to let you go.
When it rains, it pours.
Even the ocean is stopped by the shores.
All bad happens at once.
Never forget but say goodbye…
I miss you father, but no more for you I will cry…
